This past week, I got knocked off my feet. I was filling up my planner with “to do’s”, “have to’s”, “want to’s”, and getting ready to continue a pattern of running myself ragged. It’s easy for life to get busy…and to feel good about it. I’m busy. I’m productive. I’m doing something with my life!
I knew that it would be good if I stopped myself, took some time to relax and reflect, and just stop doing. I, maybe more than others, need a reminder that I am a human being, not a human doing; that I can enjoy just sitting on the couch with a cup of tea with the sun streaming through the window; that I can be comfortable in my skin; that my worth and happiness does not derive from my accomplishments and checked off tasks.
Even though I knew I needed to press the pause button, I did not choose to do so; But it definitely was pressed. About mid-afternoon, I became incapacitated. Very suddenly, I felt nauseous, warm, and tired. I had to cut short an engagement and rush home to take care of myself. Thankfully my body decided to keep whatever I had eaten inside, but what followed was a very determined fatigue that put me to sleep for the next three hours (and this for a person that does NOT take naps). When I awoke, I spent the rest of the day doing some needed thinking–thinking about what I do out of self-imposed obligation, how I hold myself to a higher (read: unrealistic) standard, and whether I’m addicted to drama or chaos.
I must say that I am grateful for this hiatus, this interruption of my best laid plans. I am thankful for this invitation to self-care, “me time”, and most of all peace. What I at first feared would be an inconvenience and a bother turned out to be a blessing. When completing tasks, acquiring stuff, and gaining status occupies your time, energy, money, and thoughts…BE STILL. Be still for however long it takes for you to reflect on what matters most to you and whether the decisions you make on a daily basis of how to spend your time (your life) are taking you where you want to go.
Choose to be still now. It just might be the best use of your time.