I have been called indecisive, and I can’t deny it. I’ve been known to hem and haw when it’s my turn to order at a restaurant, spend more than a reasonable amount of time deciding whether to buy a Groupon, and you can imagine the size of my suitcase when I travel. Instead of deciding now, let’s bring all the options to (wherever) and decide there (good luck!).
I’ve been reflecting on how challenging choosing just one thing out of way too many options is for me (and maybe some of you?). Ice cream flavors, colors of a top or sweater, or how about deciding between two equally beautiful pairs of shoes? This may sound strange, but if there are more than a handful of options that peak my fancy, I am immobilized. I usually decide that if I can’t have both the boots and the heels (or speculoos and praline amaretto), I’d rather have neither. Yes, you heard right. Instead of just choosing one, I go for none. The term spoiled brat comes to mind, or maybe distraught or (my favorite) wretched.
In deepening my self-analysis and probing my wretched mind, I’m finding that this struggle isn’t really about being spoiled or wanting it all. It’s about fear of regret. The fear of making the “wrong choice” keeps me from choosing at all. What if I order the curry and then realize too late that I really want the stir-fry? What if I vote for Thai food and figure out I’m really in the mood for Indian? What if I buy the pumps and, after wearing them, wish that I had chosen its competitor. What if every little decision is a big deal and I have to deal with the remorse and disappointment of my choice?
I totally understand if you don’t relate to this. As I said, this is the “wretched” part of my mind that is sometimes amusing, but more often frustrating. Even for me, It’s easy to see that these are not life-changers, that I will be able to enjoy my curry even if that wasn’t my number one pick, that I can be grateful for any pair of new shoes, and that a little disappointment never hurt anyone. At the same time, it comes down to how I’m able to deal with negative emotions, the potential for mistakes, and my own imperfections.
I don’t want to let fear keep my from living. I refuse to let the “could be’s” scare me frozen. I will not let my quirks and humanness stifle my curiosity.
Today, I laugh in the face of fear! I will choose. I will decide.
Do you struggle with decisions, whether little or big? How do you deal with regret?